Healing For Always
by Emilie Rose
Summary: Lily is through with greasy Slytherin Severus Snape... but is he truly beyond her reach? And can she resist a friend in need?


**Hey everyone. Here's a short story about the broken friendship of Severus and Lily and how it might have been repaired. Of course, the characters are not mine. Special thanks to IAmSTILLAngryWithLily for editing work. **

"It's over. He's not my responsibility anymore. I don't care. We're not friends." She repeated the words in her head, nearly screaming them aloud, praying that perhaps the next time she said them, they would come true. She didn't miss the greasy Slytherin snake, she was warming to the idea of dating James Potter (he was terribly handsome and really, she'd only been playing hard to get in the first place), and it had been months since she'd dreamed of that awful boy having the tattoo of a snake and a skull burned into his arm. She told herself these things were true and pretended she believed her own lies.

He was limping when he got on the Hogwarts Express on September 1st. She stuffed her hands in her pockets to prevent herself from guiding him to a seat. She told herself that there hadn't been a bruise forming around his left eye and that his robes had always hung that loosely on his shoulders.

June to July. July to August. To September, to October, to November. It had been five months since he'd called her a… five months. She hated that he picked flowers for her and left them on her windowsill every week of the summer. She threw away the box of chocolates he must've had a house-elf put on her bed; she knew the candy had cost much more than he could afford. But she also knew he wasn't really sorry.

No, of course she hadn't passed by that empty classroom while she was monitoring the halls as part of her prefect duties. Yes, that room located far away from both Slytherin and Gryffindor common rooms; that room they'd once made their fortress. And she certainly hadn't heard someone crying behind the closed door. The next time Lily passed the room, she checked to make sure it was empty. On her way out, she sealed the door with a permanent sticking charm.

When Slughorn changed the seating chart after Halloween, she crossed her fingers for luck. Everyone knew that she was wishing to sit as far away from him as possible. Mary heard her curse under her breath when she was told to pick up her cauldron and sit next to him. She only tucked that disgusting lock of greasy hair behind his ear because Slughorn would be furious if she let her partner catch fire. And no, Mary, he hadn't blushed!

She happened to be looking away that day he rolled his sleeves up to his elbows, for she had no desire to glance surreptitiously at his left forearm. And even if she had looked, she wouldn't have breathed a sigh of relief when she saw it was bare, nor would she have stifled a gasp in her trembling hand when she noticed the red lines running across his ivory skin.

So when she recognized his handwriting on the letter, it was only natural that her first instinct was to throw it in the fireplace straightaway. She opened it out of curiosity only.

Seven words, cramped together in his nearly illegible handwriting, smoldered in the Gryffindor common room. _How can I prove that I'm sorry? _Lily's eyes were dry as she watched it burn.

She watched as he tumbled down the steep staircase leading to Potions class. James Potter stood at the top of the stairs, holding the banana peel he'd conjured under the Slytherin's feet. "Slipped on this, Snivelly? For a minute there, I thought you'd slid on your own grease!"

Severus looked away from the boys now standing over him and gathered his books hastily in his arms. Lily saw no fear in his eyes, only resigned sorrow. He staggered to his feet, shoving books and parchment into his threadbare bag.

"Go on, Snivelly! Slither away!" James shouted, just as Severus walked past Lily. The poor boy seemed unable to help himself; he stole a nervous glance at Lily. She wanted to throw her arms around him and tell James Toerag Potter to sod off; she snorted derisively and turned her back on her former friend.

The weeks passed quickly. Lily wasn't lonely, hadn't been noticing Severus's absence at meals, and barely felt the constant dull ache in her chest. But for some odd reason, she still worked on the green and silver scarf and glove set she had so long ago planned on knitting him for Christmas.

She hadn't been in the Great Hall when it happened, but talk spread quickly at Hogwarts. It was Mary who reported the incident to her, choking on her laughter between words. Potter had jumped out from behind a suit of armor and frightened Snape.

_What else is new? _Lily thought.

Snape had screamed. _Typical. Pathetic. _And punched Potter in the face. _Bravo Sev! Wait. No. I'm a Gryffindor. I'm on Potter's side. _ She felt sick at the thought.

So then Potter transfigured Snape's robes into a pink ballerina's costume and hexed his legs to make him dance. Once the Marauders got bored of this entertainment, they stuck him to the wall with a Permanent Sticking Charm; Snape was forced to strip down to his underpants to get off the wall.

Lily laughed at the thought of pale, scrawny, Snivellus Snape in a tutu. Mary smiled. Thank God Lily had finally lightened up about that greasy snake. Lily told herself that it was just a childish prank and there was no need to be concerned for her friend. Then she remembered that they weren't friends and she shouldn't really be concerned even if Snape got mauled by a werewolf.

By that afternoon, she had forgotten the prank that had been pulled in the Great Hall at breakfast. Her friends had tried to cajole her into joining their snowball fight, but she actually believed that schoolwork beyond OWLs was important so she headed off to the library.

She walked down the deserted hallway some time later, headed toward Slughorn's office with her arms full of Potions books. After finding several references to potions she had never heard of before, Lily had decided to further explore the topics with her professor.

Of course, a year ago- a lifetime ago- she would simply have asked Severus about the potions. If he didn't know about them, which was unlikely, they would explore the library together for answers. But, she thought bitterly, better to be with foolish old Slughorn who genuinely liked her than a false friend who would sell her out to the Death Eaters for nothing more than a pat on the back.

These morose thoughts were interrupted by the muffled sound of harsh breathing. Lily looked around her, but saw no one. Brow furrowed in curiosity, she turned down a corridor leading to the dungeons. Within moments, she identified the trembling black heap that was the source of the noise.

Severus Snape sat tucked behind a suit of armor, clearly trying to make himself as invisible as possible. His baggy robes swallowed his body and his greasy black hair hung over his face; still Lily knew it was him. She knew the slope of his back, the suppressed shaking of his shoulders meant to hide his sorrow from even himself. Yes, it was the future Death Eater, Snivellus Snape.

No! Lily stopped herself from descending into the string of insults her mind had come to connect with this boy. This creature before her was not the wretched young man who was slowly slipping deeper and deeper into the Dark Arts. This was Severus, the nervous boy who lived on Spinner's End, who would wake up screaming during sleepovers because he'd had a nightmare about his drunken father, who came to Hogwarts hoping to finally find a place where he belonged but was met with nothing but peer pressure and bullying.

An audible sob burst from the Slytherin, who bit on his wrist to stifle the sound. Severus had rarely broken down so completely when he had been friends with Lily. He often told her that she was the reason for this, and if he ever did need a shoulder to cry on, Lily's was always there. She felt guilty, therefore, seeing him so utterly miserable, but still unable to comfort him.

Just as she was about to continue her journey to Slughorn's office, Lily noticed that the suit of armor Severus had chosen to hide behind was right beside the door she had charmed shut a few weeks earlier. Lily felt her heart ripping in two. Even after she had banished Severus from her life, he sought out her memory for comfort. Now she had taken from him all those wonderful times they had shared behind that sealed wooden door. And still he got as close to her as he could when he was hurting!

For months she'd told herself that all she had done was simple protection against the beast that had hurt her. Now, she saw herself as the unforgiving, coldhearted creature who had torn her friend to pieces simply because he'd made a few bad choices. Without thinking, without stopping to wonder if she was being foolish or finally doing the right thing, she knelt beside Severus.

He didn't look at her when she laid a small, trembling hand on his shoulder. Instead, he pulled tighter into himself and turned toward the cold stone wall. Lily cleared her throat, trying to force his name past her lips, but found she couldn't speak. Still keeping one hand on his arm, she reached toward the delicate hands that clutched at their owner's dark hair. He gasped when she seized his wrist and it was all she could do not to do the same; his flesh felt like that of a corpse, ice cold and bony.

Ever so gently, she pulled his hands away from his face. He tried to resist and she wondered for a moment if he thought she was Potter coming back for more fun. The sallow skin she had come to expect as normal for Severus was flushed a blotchy scarlet and covered with a moist film of snot and tears. Without the muffling effect of his hand, his sobs echoed down the empty corridor. But then he looked up and saw those two perfect emeralds hovering before him and his shaking breath caught in his throat.

Lily! It was his dear Lily, who had shunned him for months, now suddenly crouching beside him and looking at him worriedly. She reached out and brushed a lock of hair, damp with sweat, away from his eyes.

"What happened?" Her voice was a song, gentle, sweet, and soothing. God, he'd missed that sound! _"You call everyone else of my birth Mudblood. What makes me any different?"_ The last words she had said to him. Her voice had been cold and harsh, the voice she usually reserved for Potter. But this didn't matter anymore. She was here; she was speaking to him. What had she said? He wanted to answer her, to tell her everything that had been tearing him apart. When he opened his mouth, however, his voice chose a different path.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to call you… that. I'm so sorry, Lily. I never meant to hurt you. You're the last person in the world I'd want to hurt. I'm not a Death Eater… I'm not one of them, Lily! I'm not… I'm s-s-sorry." Once again, he was volubly weeping and his speech grew hard to understand. But his words did not matter to Lily, who understood what he was saying and for the first time in months saw how very sincere he was.

Cautiously, as if she feared he would shatter into a thousand pieces at her touch, she wrapped her arms around his trembling body. "It's alright. Please stop, Sev. We'll worry about us later. Just tell me what's wrong."

He pulled his head from its resting place against Lily's chest and looked up into her beautiful eyes. "Th-then you forgive me?"

No. Lily didn't want to forgive him. Since the day they were sorted into opposing houses, he had been drifting farther and farther away from her. He had become the sort of person he'd always despised.

But clearly he hadn't become that. How many times had he told her he wasn't one of them? Why did it all have to be so confusing?

A single memory floated through her conflicting thoughts, a conversation she had had with Severus some time during their fourth year. They were sitting under their favorite tree by the lake, the tree under which their friendship eventually ended. Lily had been once again berating Severus for associating with pureblood-maniac, Dark-Arts-loving Slytherins.

"_You're nothing like them, Sev. They're really horrid people. Why do you play their sick games?"_

"_Because I want to fit in amongst my housemates, Lily. Is that so terrible? Yeah, they're creepy. They're probably all going to end up as Death Eaters. But I won't. I just want to get through school without being afraid to go to sleep in my own dormitory."_

_Lily sighed. "It's more than that, Sev. You won't even talk to me when those boys are around. It's like you're ashamed of me." She looked away to hide the wetness in her eyes._

"_Oh, Lily!" Severus felt horrible. How could she even think that? She was the best thing that had ever happened to him. "Please don't say that." He swallowed over the lump in his throat. "I could never be ashamed of you, Lily. How could the ugliest of weeds be ashamed that the most beautiful flower in the garden had chosen to grow beside it?"_

_Lily didn't know how to respond to Severus when he spoke with such poetic honesty, and she still had a point to make, so she simply continued trying to unravel all the twisted thoughts contained in the troubled mind of her best friend. "Then what is it? What's wrong between us?"_

"_It's complicated," the boy sighed. "They don't like me hanging around with a Gryffindor, and with your heritage…"_

"_So you care more about what they think than our friendship?"_

"_No! No, Lily, I just don't want to draw attention to you, just in case."_

"_In case what?" Lily's anger had suddenly dissipated in the face of Severus's obvious fear. "Do you think they'd hurt you? Hurt me?"_

"_I don't know. I don't know anything anymore, Lily. It's just so… complicated."_

"_I don't see it that way, Sev. You either let these people walk all over you, dictate how you think, who your friends are, or you take a stand. Walk with me or whomever else you want whenever you want. Tell these arrogant boys that blood purity is nonsense and you don't give a damn what they think. Or tell me that you think I have dirty blood and shove off. It's not complicated at all, Sev. It's a simple choice."_

A simple choice. Lily sat beside the sobbing boy, brushing her fingers through his lank hair and wondering how he could have gone down the wrong path. Yet all the pleas for forgiveness proved that he had not chosen to abandon her, and for the first time Lily considered that he simply had not chosen at all. Perhaps it was she who had chosen to give up on him and his battle against his inner darkness.

"Yeah, Severus. Of course I forgive you."

He stared into those emerald eyes that contained his whole world. His mouth opened, but Lily suddenly found that she didn't want to hear his thanks or vows of change. "Hush. Just tell me what's wrong. What happened?"

She held him close as he related the story of Potter's latest prank, feeling the months of silence between them melting away in his tears. "I hate him," he finished miserably. "I hate him so much."

"Maybe that's because he's a detestable toerag," Lily quipped, smiling.

Severus laughed through his last hiccupping sob. "I thought you were beginning to tolerate him. I heard some rumor about him maturing?"

"Only rumor, Sev. Only rumor."

After a few more jokes about Potter and his bullying friends, Severus felt much better. But a pang of guilt shot through his heart at the thought of how much pain he had caused his darling friend. The first smile he had known since last June slid from his face. "Lily, I just… I want to apologize for, well for everything. I never meant to chase you away or hurt you. I just wanted to fit in and keep you away from all the hardships I bring. The Slytherins harassed me all the time for talking to you. Beat me up that day you hugged me in class. Y'know, after our first Charms exams? And we both got full marks?" He blushed. That had been one of the best days of his life, even though he'd ended up with a broken nose.

"Anyways, I tried to appease them. And the Dark Arts are interesting, from an educational point of view; even you can agree with that. So I figured if I played it up a little, they'd like me. Then they told me I shouldn't hang around with you, so I tried to keep it quiet. But they still knew, and they threatened to hurt you. Mulciber would tell me all these horrid things he wanted to do with you. I was so scared, Lily. I figured if they got the idea I agreed with the Dark Lord, they wouldn't feel like they had to teach either of us a lesson. It wasn't supposed to go so far, and I truly did not mean to call you that awful name. I hate when you defend me Lily, even though I'm grateful. It's humiliating. And I really didn't mean-"

He was talking in circles, just embarrassing himself yet again. There was nothing else to say or do. "I'm sorry," he finished lamely, hanging his head in shame.

Lily was silent for several minutes, trying to process all that she had just heard and form an appropriate response. Finally, she disentangled herself from the boy leaning against her and sat directly in front of him. She took his thin face in her trembling hands, forcing him to look her in the eyes. "I thoroughly accept your apology. I only wish that you had told me when this all started; we could have dealt with it together. But I appreciate your telling me now and I promise you won't have to fight this battle alone."

A disbelieving smile spread across Severus's nervous mouth. "Really?"

"Best friends, right?" Lily saw hope blossom in the lonely, crushed soul of her dearest friend. "Besides, Petunia misses you terribly."

It was nothing more than an offhand sarcastic comment, the sort of thing that would have made them smile as children. Now, Severus saw it as the door to his new life, the start of his second chance, the most wonderful thing he had ever heard. He laughed wildly, pulling his best friend, the love of his life, to her feet. "Well, I'll be sure to write a letter to her- after we take a walk?"

"But it's snowing!"

"Exactly!" They ran through the hallways, ignoring the scolding of the portraits. Within minutes, they were on their backs underneath their favorite tree, making snow angels and catching feather-like flakes on their tongues. The months of wasted time and misunderstandings had vanished, leaving nothing but the future of two inseparable friends. Severus knew that Lily could never be in love with him as he was with her. Lily was sure that there was no way to convince the insecure young man that she accepted him just the way he was and loved him more deeply than any mere friend ever could. But they found that these things no longer held such deep importance.

Severus and Lily, a Slytherin and a Gryffindor, a couple that by all social laws should not have existed, knelt side by side, rolling a giant snowball to serve as the base of their snowman. It did not matter if Potter melted it or Mulciber threw Severus out of the dormitory for creating it. They were strong enough to face anything, even the ever-approaching war, as long as they did it together. And they would, Severus assured himself. He would never let anything come between them again. He was Lily's, heart and soul. Always.

**What do you think? I love Severus so much! Reviews? Please?**


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